Damn it all, I knew it was going too well...

[graculus]

So, I may be about to quit my job.

The re-education, that seemed to be going well, has hit a bit of a snag. My boss is probably capering about as we speak, having had feedback about something that backs up her view that I am A Problem That Must Be Fixed. My tolerance for all this shit wasn't great in the first place and so I appear to be rapidly heading towards either redeployment or quitting (watch this space, we're formally meeting two weeks today!) and I've never been convinced that this wasn't all just a long and drawn-out way of getting shot of me anyway...

Frankly, I'm tired of being upset and stressed all the time, which has been a significant aspect of my life since I got this job and only got worse this year when the system for how our work is handled got ruined updated. I've been in tears more this year than the rest of my life put together and most of it is due, directly or indirectly, to my current boss. She was all 'oh, but you have so many positive qualities' when also kicking me in the head yesterday, so we'll see if there are other options in-house or whether (as I suspect) my card was marked a while back.

Life's too short for me to put up with this shit. Frankly, I should have quit in the summer when I was moments away from telling her to shove the job up her arse sideways...

Comments

[emony.livejournal.com]

I'm amazed you've had the strength to put up with it for as long as you have, tbh. It sounds like they've made the situation completely untenable. As long as you can get someone other than your dreadful boss to give you a reference in future, and as long as you can keep yourself financially stable for a bit, if necessary, while you are looking for something else, I'd get out of there ASAP. But then again, I am a big fan of quitting jobs, and have been unemployed for almost six months now because I quit my last job when I decided that I hated my boss, so my advice is not exactly unbiased. Whatever you decide, good luck. You'll know what's the right thing to do, because once a decision is made, a weight will be lifted from your shoulders.

[louiselux.livejournal.com]

Oh, that sounds a completely demoralising situation! Plus your boss sounds shitty. It's a very hard decision to quit a job but it sounds like the right one for you at this point. It is easy to say rather than do, I know, but if it's making you this unhappy you should leave.

[przed.livejournal.com]

This has all sounded utterly horrendous, and definitely something you should be getting away from. It's horrid that your boss has treated you this way, but a job that makes you so stressed and unhappy is clearly not a good thing. I'll be sending you good thoughts, whatever goes down in the next two weeks.

[the4ts.livejournal.com]

Oh, damn :( I was hoping it would all work out for you. I'd go and go much sooner rather than later, if I were you, whilst you still had some sanity left. No job should make you feel like that. It just isn't worth it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you find something so much better really, really soon.

[graculus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I gave it a shot but it's clearly not going to work out how I'd like - even if I get redeployed I don't see it as a long-term option (not that I'm telling them that!) but I suspect there will suddenly be nothing available when I know that a number of offices round the county have vacancies.

[graculus.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the good wishes, it's much appreciated. If things hadn't ground me down so much this year I think I'd have realised sooner how much it was affecting me...

[graculus.livejournal.com]

I keep thinking that I should have jumped ship earlier, but couldn't quite see just how bad it really was till it was too late to do so without more significant implications. At least I gave it a try, so they can't hold that against me as well and we'll see if one of the many vacancies I know there are has my name on it or whether they'd rather let someone with my experience go without a squawk?

[graculus.livejournal.com]

It took me a while to start putting the pieces together about just how crap a manager my boss is - she's good at the things managers above her like, but utterly rubbish at dealing with people or anything that resembles a coherent plan. Knee-jerk reactions all the way, baby! ;)

I've proposed taking leave in the meantime so hopefully I can coast through to the big meeting and then we'll see just what they really think...

[rhade-rad.livejournal.com]

Wow. Sorry to hear it's got that bad. Have you got enough evidence for a 'constructive dismissal' claim against them/her?

Might also be worth exploring whether your GP will sign you off for the adverse effects stress is having on you. And use that as part of the negotiations for change.

Believe me I know how hard this sort of situation is. And how lucky I was to get out and be financially stable. If you need back up/ someone to talk to I'm around. (Email xcorby at gmail and I'll give you my numbers.)

[superbadgirl]

I feel certain you're in a field much easier to find a new position, so I say do it! I'm a little nervous out here jobless, but at the same time SO GLAD I don't work where I used to work. The reduction in stress and daily dealings with severe PITAs = worth it.

[rivier.livejournal.com]

Seconding this very much. There are some bosses who can simply screw with your stress levels and ability to cope, in ways that have nothing at all to do with how tough any specific job is or even how tough they are. It's just that awful roll of the dice that puts someone who takes against you into a position in your life where they have the scope and ability to do you harm, rather than a situation where you could get away from any other would-be bully. We can put up with more stressful roles and more vexing people too, sometimes, just because we're in a better place mentally or physically even.

I had one boss, years ago, who flipped a very pressured job that I'd been enjoying and thriving with under her predecessor, into a literal nightmare. I unravelled in a way that had never happened to me before. I ended up going to see my GP to ask whether I needed to be checked up because I was having these weird symptoms, like crying at work again and again from the most trivial hassles, couldn't sleep, couldn't stop fretting about everything.... and then hilariously I basically broke down in his surgery while trying to describe it all and tralalala, clinical depression - which I hadn't actually thought of because I wasn't *depressed*, I was just wretched and stressed and fucking riddled with anxiety all the time because of this boss and her softly-spoken psycho nutjob piece of work undermining me day in day out. And because my own brain chemistry wasn't, at that point in my life, able to deal with her.

That's very long-winded, sorry! Codeine time here again. From being diagnosed I had a bit of time off work (not much: I was on a Bill team and actually didn't want to fuck things up for the timetable there, as stupid as it seems) and got prescribed SSRIs and HR were suddenly very helpful about getting me quickly transferred into another area. What you describe sounds like all the shit I remember, including how it's affecting you mentally/emotionally, and I agree you definitely should try to see your GP and just discuss how you've been. The crying is way out of character for you and I don't think you should be forced into a 'flight' mode because she's abusing her professional responsibility to be a positive part of the working partnership between employee and manager. And idk if you have much of an HR function left where you are - ours in the Department has been slashed to almost no-one - but I also think you should maybe think of going on the attack to the extent of formally recording what your relationship with her has been like, the ways she has undermined you and the impact this is having on you. Even if you ultimately walk away, what she's doing shouldn't stay off the record.

I'm also very happy to chat if you want another ear to bend - let me know.

[captain-tiv.livejournal.com]

{{{hugs}}}

Life's too short to have to put up with any shit at work. Granted, we're there to do a job, we take their money and their orders, but that doesn't give them the right to make our lives hell.

[emony.livejournal.com]

If they would, it's their loss and your gain, as I'm sure you'll be able to pick and choose something better elsewhere. And if there is something in another team or department where you are already, you can weigh up whether you want to stay there or whether a new boss and/or new team won't solve endemic problems within the organisation.

In any case, good luck. I hope it works out for the best, and as soon as possible.

[graculus.livejournal.com]

I doubt I could pull together enough to prove that this was their intention, not helped by the fact that I dug myself a bit of a hole in the first place and that while my boss is stupid, she's not that stupid and/or thinks she is in the right. Not sure which of those options is the scarier!

TBH, kicking off about this would be far more work than I'm currently capable of - as much as it might suck, I'm more aware of my need to resolve this in a way that doesn't see me in one of those nice padded rooms than anything else. Like you, I'm lucky enough to have no significant money issues so I'm not as over the barrel as I might otherwise be. Thanks for the offers of support, though, they're much appreciated! :)

[graculus.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the good wishes, they're much appreciated. In a lot of ways I am quite lucky that I'm financially okay for a bit and have no dependents, so we'll see how much they really do value my 'positive qualities' and work from there...

[manna]

Dude, that's outrageous.

I can completely understand wanting to quit in such horrible circumstances, but do you have a union or, failing that, an HR department you can talk to about the situation? Because putting pressure on people to make them quit is wrong, and also illegal.

I hope the leave will reduce your stress and let you get a clearer idea for what you want to do next.

{hugs}

[graculus.livejournal.com]

Found out the other day that the work coming in the front door has gone up about 85% since our new system was put in place, with (of course) no increase in resources to deal with it. I've been very much in 'survival mode' and that has affected everything I've done since then, my mood included.

Unfortunately, while my boss has been able to turn a blind eye to my impending breakdown, she's not done anything stupid enough that I can point it out with any degree of ease, it's been more like a steady chipping away at my confidence in dealing with anything. As for HR, they can barely cope with the concept of dealing with job applications, so I have no hope of support there. My boss may be crap at many things but she's significantly better at looking like she's toeing the line than I am, that's for certain.

Anyway, thanks for the support, good to see you're still around as I was wondering... ;)

[graculus.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It's taken me a while to realise there's not really anything I like about this job except the pay cheque and I can easily live quite comfortably on less if I need to, which is not an experience many people get to share nowadays alas...

[graculus.livejournal.com]

Yep, in a lot of ways I'm lucky as I'm qualified and registered in my field for 16 years now so I expect someone out there will want me regardless of what my current employers might say about me now. It's true, life's too short and all that...

[graculus.livejournal.com]

Made the mistake of not being in the union before all this blew up, and HR is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard to be honest.

I'm the one saying that my only options are redeployment or quitting, not them, as they're not dumb enough to do anything that would be clearly out of line but I don't really see how I'm mentally equipped to deal with this shit for much longer.

[siluria]

You have my respect for sticking it out as long as you have! My own experiences of public sector has left me with trust issues when it comes to co-workers, and despite me missing the flexi-time I don't think I can go back into it. Whatever you decide, make sure it's best for you and not them xxxxx

[khek.livejournal.com]

((hugs))

Wow. It sounds like it got seriously bad. Your boss is an ass. I think you're right though, it's time to leave. It doesn't sound like you're fighting against the tide, and no matter how hard you work, she's never going to give you the credit for it.

I hope that something wonderful comes up and that karma bites her in the butt. In the meantime though, good luck. And more (((Hugs)))