(no subject)

[graculus]

I've had a falling out with someone at work, or more correctly, they've fallen out with me.

It's like this... I worked quite closely with this person on one particular piece of work for about 18 months and she formed the impression that we were friends. To the point where she invited me to her son's wedding and I only escaped because she went into hospital for a routine operation that turned out to be anything other than routine, which meant she was off work for a couple of months. Now she's back and not happy with me because I didn't get in touch with her while she was off work.

I don't know about anyone else, but there have been very few people I work with who I also consider friends. I could probably count them on the fingers of one hand over 17 years of gainful employment. Given that I don't tell people at work about my fannish secret identity, how could that possibly be otherwise?

Comments

[innocent-lex.livejournal.com]

There are very few people, work or otherwise, who know of my fan-stuff. And even fewer who can make the link between me in RL and me online. I agree with you - work people are work people, and while I get along well with lots of them, that doesn't make us friends. It took me a while to understand the difference when I first started work, but now I make conscious decisions on who I stay friends with. It's an interesting process.

[gategrrl.livejournal.com]

I learned that the hard way when I was younger-work folks are NOT friend folks. *Rarely* does friendship and work ever mix well. Once you're out of the work environment, the test is whether they stay in touch with you or otherwise.

It's a television trope that I don't understand--why do so many TV shows show so many work-friendships that are friend-friendships? Economy of cast, I suppose. But they never show the aftermath of what happens when one of the people moves on to another job.

[nausica2.livejournal.com]

I've only becomed friends with people I've worked with when we don't work together anymore. Geez, you spent 8 hours or more with them every day, that's enough for me. And yes, at work they don't know a thing of my fannish life and if you google my real name, everything that comes up is harmless, as it should.

On the other hand, some people think a non-confrontational conversation equals frienship. Nope, not at all!

[khek.livejournal.com]

I have a hard time at work, because although I think the same way you do...everyone I work with seem to be buddies. They hang out together after work, visit each other at their homes, and exchange clothes for their kids and themselves. I don't have kids, or a husband, or the inclination to spend my spare time with them...but I do feel a little left out when they're all talking about their plans for the weekend.

It's one of those things that cause problems.

[obelix]

I've got about 5 friends I've made during some 20 years as a consultant but it's not my usual thing. These people know about my fannish activities and some of the other weird things I'm into but they are a rarity.

Usually I'm like you, I don't mix work and play. For one thing I'm not good at calling people or staying in touch. People have to remind me as I get involved in tons of stuff and forget time. If I didn't have a calendar I'd forget which day it is.

Second, it's not a good idea to be friends with people I work for since it means that any work they may have that would be a good fit for my skills I have to either forget about pursuing it or must jump through more hoops then anyone else just so that we can make sure there are no possibilities of my getting a contract and they being accused of favoritism by other competing firms.

Plus like you I rarely have interests that mesh with those of people I work with.

So yeah pretty normal in my book.

[lexin.livejournal.com]

I've been working full time just over 20 years and of the people I've worked with two became outside-work friends and both of those are trade union folks. I don't look to work to make friends because in my experience it simply hasn't worked out that way - maybe I'm strange, but I think I'm pretty typical.

[rhade-rad.livejournal.com]

What they said, though I probably engage slightly more than this. However, the question is do you want to resolve the situation? In which case there are probably a few ways to sound like you're apologising while being clear 'you're just colleagues'