What happens after?

[graculus]

It's been a long, emotionally wearing week. Somehow, I managed to balance all the crises with just missing one thing at work, and though I've lost the plot with distressing regularity (approximately once a day) I've managed not to do it at work. Which is fine by me, since I've always tried to keep work and the rest of my life compartmentalised.

And it could be worse. I also found out this week that one of our lawyers, who left very suddenly, did so after it was suggested she resign because she'd turned up at court smelling of alcohol. Jeez. Apparently the smell was so strong they thought she must have been drinking on the train there in the morning. *sighs*

Anyway, when it comes to tying up all the loose ends, last time I went through all of this, about five years ago, the critter in question (also a ferret, the inestimable Seamus) got buried in the garden with his favourite squeaky frog - when I was growing up, we always had cats, and that was their final destination as well, usually accompanied by a prized possession of theirs, while goldfish went on an expedition down the toilet. I'd thought about it this time round, having an idea it was something I would have to consider again in the near future, and so when Lily passed away this week I had already decided I wanted her cremated instead.

The place I went to is out in the countryside, a bit of a trek and some single track roads to negotiate, but it had the benefit of being run by what we used to call 'an old boy' where I grew up (a much more positive term than 'good old boy' on the other side of the pond seems to be). The kind of guy who, when I got back in my car to drive off, came up to me and gave me back some of the money I'd paid him because Lily was little. The most poignant thing, though, was the pile of a dozen or so cat and dog baskets and beds sitting in the corner of the building where the incinerator is.

I never knew, though, before exploring that kind of thing online, that you can get little caskets. Or picture frames with space for the ashes behind the picture of the critter in question. It all seems kind of oddball to me, but what do you guys think? I know many of you are animal lovers, so would you want Tiddles or Fido's ashes on the mantelpiece?

Meanwhile, I am also studiously avoiding touching either the novel or my UNCLE story edits because at the moment I am in the 'oh, it's all a big pile of shit, who would want to read that?' mindset. Hopefully this will alter with the assistance of the sunny weather and catching up on missed sleep from earlier in the week...

Comments

[alyse]

I had both Chloe and Alex cremated, whereas The Moog was buried in our back garden.

At the moment, both Chloe and Alex are in boxes in the downstairs study. The boxes are nice - a dark green cardboard embossed with gold - but although Nibble and I have talked about scattering the ashes somewhere, we haven't got around to it.

I think part of me is waiting for Widget - who was the baby of the three of them - to pass on too. She's approaching 16 now, and is finding it a little more difficult to get around, although she's still managing to get up and down the stairs and onto the bed. She just can't get up onto Nibble's loftbed.

It just seems right, somehow, to scatter the three of them together.

But, no. I don't think that little caskets are silly. I think it's what you feel best about it and don't worry about what everyone else thinks.

[graculus.livejournal.com]

But the fact is that you are planning to scatter the ashes, which is what I'm going to do with Lily, rather than intending to keep them indefinitely, which was the thing I didn't quite get - apparently pet taxidermy is also quite popular as well, which seems even odder to me.

[alyse]

Taxidermy does strike me as odd because I think it would be awful to have a stuffed pet with glassy eyes around, but as for keeping the ashes. Well, some people keep the ashes of their loved ones too, and some choose to scatter them. I'd be in the scatter camp for that too, but I don't think that choosing to keep your pets' ashes is too odd in that context.

[blktauna.livejournal.com]

Mom and my friend Diane have kept ashes in beautiful boxes.

*hugs*

[nakeisha.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you are feeling over Lily *Hugs*

When we had Tansy put to sleep last October, we chose not to bring her home. So I certainly wouldn't want ashes permanently on my mantle piece.

However, as with all death be it human or animals what is right for each person is right for them. There's no 'right' or 'wrong'; however you choose to deal with it the right way. However, you find closure is the important thing, and where you are putting Lily does sound a wonderful, peaceful place.

*Hugs*

[st-crispins.livejournal.com]

My sympathies for Lily. I loved her photos.

I buried my first dog and cat in a pet cemetary about an hour from my house. We lived in an apartment at the time so there was no backyard. I still pay a yearly maintenance fee.

My second dog who died a few years ago I had cremated. The woman who owns the pet cemetary told me I could bury the can of ashes in the plot with my other pets. I don't know that I'd want to keep them.

[seanchaidh.livejournal.com]

*hug* I know where you are by way of mindset, and my thoughts have been with you and Lily this week.

[manna]

I'm really sorry about Lily.

I've always kind of fancied the idea of having dead pets stuffed, but archie_gremlin is adamantly against it, so no dice. I love taxidermy, and I like the idea of the collection building up over the years. But I'm sure I'm in a very minority position on that.

I've always had a very strong feeling that when someone, pet or person, dies, then they're gone, and what's left isn't *them* in any way that I can connect with at all. Funerals always weird me out for the same reason. When Moglit, and the various ratties, died, I left the bodies at the vets for them to dispose of. One of the ratties died unexpectedly at home, and I just automatically put her body in the bin without thinking about it, but archie_gremlin made me fish her out and bury her in the garden instead.

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of taxidermy, but I'm not sure I could cope with having something that I used to know being stuffed. It was weird enough when one of the Pony Trekking Society's Exmoors (and not one I knew personally) turned up as a specimen for one of our anatomy classes.

Before doing my degree every one of my small pets was buried in the garden, and my dog, who died when I was in first year, was cremated and her ashes scattered around Mum's roses. Since then, though, I've always just left pets at the surgery to go with the others for group cremation. Not that I think anyone else's decisions are wrong, just that that's how I do things.

Then again I know of a lot of horsemen who've sent all their animals to the hunt kennels at the end, except for that one special horse that ends up buried under a favourite tree.

[graculus.livejournal.com]

I've always had a very strong feeling that when someone, pet or person, dies, then they're gone, and what's left isn't *them* in any way that I can connect with at all.

That's pretty much the mindset I'm working from - what makes them who they are, the anima, is gone by that point and so the arrangements we make regarding funerals etc. are for those who're left behind to find closure and so on.

[sg1scribe.livejournal.com]

*hug* I'm so sorry about Lily.

I didn't know there was option to cremate a pet in this country. I think that's something I'd probably want to do when we reach the inevitable with our cat (hopefully quite some years away).

We have a number of small furry creatures buried in the garden, but somehow I think with Jango I'd prefer to not have him out there. I wouldn't want to keep his ashes either. I think I'd probably scatter them round the perimeter of his territory - he has a particular path he patrols first thing.

[graculus.livejournal.com]

Apparently pet cremation is a big business now, and there seem to be lots of places - it's quite possible your vet has links with a particular place already, since dead animals are technically considered as waste and companies that dispose of them have to have a special licence from the council. However, if you want to be sure that the ashes you're getting are your cat's alone, you have to check with the company in question to see what they do.

[obelix]

*hugs* I'm so sorry about Lily :-(

I have had all of my animals cremated and I have them on a shelf in the house all lined up. I know it sounds weird but we aren't allowed to bury them in our yards and I don't want them in a pet cemetary so I have them home with me.

Eventually when I and Hubby die, we intend to have someone scatter all of our and our pets ashes together in a spot we've chosen. It's not for everyone but it makes us feel better. *shrugs*

[xochiquetzl]

I've been considering doing the same thing with my pet ashes.

[graculus.livejournal.com]

Over here, the council don't mind too much (in theory) as long as garden burials don't interfere with the watercourse and also aren't too numerous, otherwise you run the risk of being prosecuted for running a waste disposal site.

But I think it's also about how long I might be here, at this house - while I had every certainty that when I buried Seamus more than five years ago that I would be here long enough to ensure his body didn't get disturbed till it wouldn't matter too much (and planted something on top of him to help with that as well), I don't know that's the case with Lily. And I also have the boys to consider as well, since though they're all in boisterous good health at the moment, it's an issue I could well be facing in the next months or years for them too. And now, at least, I know how it all works...

[khek.livejournal.com]

I had Jessie cremated. My father made the arrangements though, because I was such a basket case and it was up in Vermont and we were down in Massachusetts when it became obvious that there would be the need. She was cremated with her favorite collar and her red blanket.

I wish I'd seen the options at the time, because there was a wide range. Dad opted for what was probably the least expensive version. (Seeing as he paid for it too though, I really have no complaints.) Jessie's ashes are now in a pretty carved wooden box, sitting on my bookshelf in the Computer room, with a picture of her on top of it. And a few little trinkets that seemed appropriate.

I live on land that's not mine, so I didn't want to bury her in the garden. (Not to mention it's museum grounds with the potential to be subject to archeological digs at any time.) My parents would have added her to our pet graveyard at home, but I don't live there anymore. I felt it made the most sense to just keep the box and make a decision later. People seem to understand when they ask what the box is.

I was really sorry to hear about Lily.

[stop_thinking]

My view on pet cremation and keeping ashes is "whatever works for you and helps you to deal with your loss"

My dog's ashes came back in a sealed wooden box with a plaque bearing her name and, although I intended to scatter the ashes immediately, I kept that box beside my bed for five years, because the time was never right for me. Maybe I just wasn't ready to let go, although I like to think that I was just fussy about the time and place. When the place and moment was right, I just knew. Her ashes are now scattered on the cliff tops overlooking the sea, along with the ashes of my father, his dog, and my sister's dog. Man and dogs are now part of the place they all loved to walk.

[xochiquetzl]

I'm very sorry about Lily. :(

I have the ashes in boxes. Not pretty ones, either; cardboard things with little floral-patterned tins of ashes inside. I don't display them or anything, they're just there.

I planned to scatter the ashes, but haven't yet. At first it was because I lived in an apartment, and who wants to scatter pet ashes in an apartment? Then it was because I lived with my mother-in-law, and that didn't feel permanent, either. I own this house and don't plan to move, and yet I haven't gotten around to scattering pet ashes.

I suppose part of me thinks Adonis and Circe wouldn't want to be scattered somewhere without me.

[aizjanika.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about Lily. {{{hugs}}}

I wouldn't like to have my pet's ashes anywhere around the house--or anywhere at all, really. I actually wouldn't want human ashes around either. I think it would just be very odd for my family, so it's not something I'd ever consider.

I don't think anything anyone does is silly or anything like that. I think that people should do whatever makes them feel better about things, whatever that is.

Personally, though, I'd feel really creeped out to have the ashes at my house, no matter whose they were.

[graculus.livejournal.com]

The thing is, from my perspective, it's not them any more, so why would you want to keep what's left of them? It's certainly been a learning curve for me, discovering different people's perspectives and the wide range of options out there...

[aizjanika.livejournal.com]

This post was a learning experience for me, too. I hadn't ever considered the options either. It's not something one likes to think about, but, just like making a will, it's probably good to have some idea of what to expect.

[tenaya.livejournal.com]

Until now we've always buried the cats in the back yard but I don't think I can do that with Reggie. I plan to have him cremated and I'll probably keep him near. You'll think this horrid, but we've still got my father's ashes from 1991. There was conflict with my brother and we never got around to getting him down to the ocean where he wanted to be. And you know what the worst part is? He's sitting next to his mother who died before I was born. I'm not sure why they never got around to sprinkling her about.

I'm very sorry to hear about Lily.

[graculus.livejournal.com]

I think on the greater scale of human oddity, what we do with ashes hardly ranks anywhere near either end. ;)

[ruric.livejournal.com]

I'm a bit late because I've been away.

5 of my critters (2 dogs and 3 cats) are in 4 lovely little wooden boxes with brass name tags (two of the cats died close together and were cremated and popped into 1 box - they were brothers *g*).

It wasn't practical to plant them in the tiny garden of the flat - and no way could I keep them on ice until I could get up to the cottage in Wales.

So cremation it was and now their little boxes sit on top of the mahogany dresser in the cottage (which was their first home).

One day I may plant the boxes somewhere.

But then again I'm probably not a good example as I still have mum in an urn in the bedroom until I can work out where she'd like to be!