graculus: (sarcasm)
For those folks who don't know, every year a bunch of us pervs get together in not-so-sunny Tynemouth for a little get-together called [livejournal.com profile] connotations, for which I have on a couple of occasions been encouraged to do a bad fic panel. Said panel, usually a delightful mix of appalling sex scenes and ultra-violet prose of other kinds (with the odd Paul McCartney/MarySue mpreg story thrown in), has been known to cause asthma attacks but has now been rendered superfluous by stuff what people wrote and got paid for.

First it was this post from [livejournal.com profile] vandonovan with a delightful example of death-by-metaphor, now it's the good folks over at Dear Author sporking merrily away at the world's least sexy sex scenes.

Please note - neither of these links are work-safe! I take no responsibility for damage to computer screens, keyboards or nasal passages if food or drink is consumed while following these links.
graculus: (sarcasm)
As I live on a main road, the nearest place I can park my car is round in the next side road along, which has never been a problem. However, yesterday I was approached by the 20-something van-driver who has moved into the nearby flats in recent weeks/months. Please note that this is a road, not private parking.

Van-driver: If you're going to park there, could you make sure you're right against the side as I nearly hit your car getting out the other day.
Me: I'm usually pretty good at parking, but I'll try and park a bit closer to the kerb. *thinks* I'm sorry you're incapable of driving properly.
VD (ha!): And there needs to be space for the van, my car and my mum's car.
Me: I'll bear that in mind. *thinks* Dude, you live with your mum! Your lack of cool, let me show you it!

I've (not) been intimidated by people who do that for a living (e.g. barristers) but I just couldn't be bothered to argue about it.

And meanwhile, an open letter to Mini drivers, particularly male Mini drivers who clearly have some compensatory issues going on:

Dude, it's a country road. In some places, it's true the speed limit is 60 but that's often too high, given the possible things you might encounter (tractors, cows, horses, and so on). Getting right up my arse when I'm following a tractor pulling a trailer full of wood that I know is probably going to stop and turn right any moment now because I drive down this road regularly, not a good idea. Likewise, haring past me doing 70 mph easily. I look forward to seeing someone picking bits of you and your Mini off the road/tractor/tree very soon.

No love,
Someone who has more sense.

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