Jul. 1st, 2017

graculus: (coffee)
Next weekend I've got my first proper competition and I'm starting to get the jitters a little. First as in 'not just our club' and 'not just for beginners', this is anyone can enter and I could therefore get my arse kicked from one end of the competition to the other.

The frustrating thing is that fencing = learning a new skill as an adult, a new physical skill at that - it's definitely harder than I remember it ever being when I was younger and also much more frustrating at times. It's not so much a learning curve as a learning rollercoaster, one that doubles back on itself like crazy too, if I can stretch the metaphor. Usually we don't learn new physical skills past our teenage years, early twenties at least, and maybe I'd forgotten what a pain it is?

I've had a couple of sessions in recent weeks at the club where I was distinctly mediocre (that feels like a kind assessment) for no apparent reason - losing badly to folks who usually beat me, it has to be said, but against whom I pretty regularly get at least a handful of hits and who I occasionally frighten a little. Those kind of fights make me feel like I'm actually making progress and that all the effort I've put in hasn't been completely wasted. It's massively frustrating to be utterly unable to do what I know I should/can do because it's got to be me - meanwhile, in my head I know that next week I'll probably be better again but that doesn't stop me from feeling like crap about it, compounded by the fact that it's the wrong time of the month for anything to go awry.

There is, of course, no way out but through. I could really do with not coming last next weekend, though. ;)

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